The Snogability Scale...
As Devised by Electra Brown


The Medical Snog
Not snogging but mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Electra and her friends would need to be either comatose, anaesthetized or preferably dead before they'd allow the smackers of a 1S boy near them. An example of a 1S snog situation would be a tragic looking lad giving the kiss of life for a serious medical reason such as collapse leading to possible brain-damage or even death. If Electra survived a Medical Snog she would, of course, be grateful, but then need hypnotherapy to erase the memory.

The Unselfish Snog
One single short snog, definitely no tongue and tonsil action, as long as no one was watching, and only if it was to prevent some major life-threatening event with far-reaching consequences for the world, such as the end of civilisation or to avert a major terrorist attack. In other words, a snog for mankind, not for personal enjoyment.

The Might-As-Well-Practice Snog
A take-it-or-leave-it type of snog, suitable for the average-looking boy but only if there is nothing else to do, nothing on the TV and you've only practiced on your arm recently. A sort of 'could do better' choice of snogging partner. Be warned! At this mid-level pretend and real scores can differ wildly. Didier the Snogging Frog, the French exchange student Electra kissed, was a 3S in theory, but below the scale in practice, it being more spit-spreading than snogging.

The Premier League Snog
The jump from 3S to 4S is quite considerable. Championship to Premier League. A 4S boy is almost certainly cool and sporty, probably at a different school, older and definitely without lip-snagging braces to get in the way. A 4S boy is one that Electra wouldn't want to snog in private, well, not just in private, as it would be imperative that all the other girls saw her, knew that she was snogging a 4S specimen and so were made to feel hideously jealous, especially girls like Claudia 'Tits Out' Barnes and anyone at a posh school.

The In-Your-Dreams Snog
The pinnacle of the scale. Cool, sporty, looks to die for with every girl in every local school after him, a 5S boy is completely unobtainable, except in slightly racy dreams. If by some miracle she did get the chance to pucker up with a 5S boy, Electra would probably only remember the first nano-second, having fainted dead away at the first touch of his lips, collapsing in an unattractive drooling heap at his feet. The Spanish Lurve God Jags fits in to this category, as does David Beckham.



There are scores in between the different levels, e.g. it is rare for someone to be an outright 3, more likely a 2.9 or a 3.1, and sometimes boys with tans can get great scores only to lose masses of points when their bronzed bod fades to pasty white.


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